November 2003

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE TURKEY Somewhere between basting the turkey and finishing off the pumpkin pie, the message of Thanksgiving — offering thanks for our many blessings – can get lost. And yet many parents seem concerned that their kids have it all and still want more – often times without uttering a word of gratitude. Practicing gratitude, may seem like “fluff” at first glance, but it asks us to make a fundamental and profound change in how we express our love and appreciation to our child. People cannot help but feel closer to us when we genuinely and frequently appreciate them. Children learn by doing. That understanding, along with my desire to create a meaningful holiday ritual, gave me the impetus to come up with one of our favorite family traditions: The Thanksgiving Altar In years past, the meaning of this special holiday seemed to get lost among the food preparations and social events. I wanted to not only model appreciation, but to have my children actively participate in offering gratitude. I knew that if I sat down and announced a new tradition, I would meet with resistance or, at the very least, rolling eyeballs, so I just did it. I created a lovely sign that read “Thanksgiving Altar” and put it above the living room window ledge (our straw bale home has generous 18-inch window ledges). Three days before Thanksgiving, I placed a few items on the ledge and waited for the children to ask about it. When they arrived home from school they asked, “What’s this?” “Our Thanksgiving altar,” I answered in a joyful, detached tone. “What do you do?” they asked excitedly. “You place items on the altar that represent what you are grateful for. We will leave it here until Thanksgiving day as a reminder of all the things we have to be grateful for.” As the days went by, all of us filled the altar space with everything from photos of friends and relatives to a pair of tiny kids’ skis that represented the mountain life we so love. The altar made our appreciation tangible. It made an abstract concept into something that our children would see, feel, and touch. The Thanksgiving altar remains one of our most potent appreciation traditions. When we make appreciation a way of life, we · Bring Out the Best in Others: what we focus on grows. When we consciously focus on someone’s positive qualities, we help draw out more of that. · Raise Appreciative Children: When parents complain about their unappreciative children, I ask, “Do you model appreciation?” Invariably, parents flash a smile of recognition. It’s easy to forget Gandhi’s advice to “be the change we wish to see in the world,” yet that is exactly what it takes to effect change. Be the change you wish to see in your home. · Improve Our Health: According to studies, stress is decreased by 20% and a person’s level of DHEA, the anti-aging hormone, increases 100% simply by focusing on love and appreciation instead of anger. Offering sincere appreciation is a potent practice for invoking the power of the Law of Attraction. What we focus on grows. When we appreciate, we notice what we have. By focusing on what we have, we attract more of that into our life. So appreciate often and genuinely.